Tag Archives: Movies

What if Disney Characters Actually Existed?

If you haven’t seen the amazing art by Jirka Vinse depicting what Disney characters would look like if they were real, do your self a favour and hop on over to his page.

The truth is, life would be hard for us mere mortals having to compete with the likes of Gaston or Snow White. Even the real villains in the world today couldn’t do it with as much pizazz as say, Ursula from The Little Mermaid or Jafar from Aladdin. If they were real, what would they be like?

Gaston, Beauty and the Beast

Gaston, Beauty and the Beast
Source: YouTube

Okay granted, as in the movie Gaston would be a bit of an arse. You know those guys? The ones that spend their mornings at the gym checking themselves out. They’ve never met a mirror they didn’t like, and they’ve pumped so much iron that the only reason they need a girl is because they can’t get their beer to their mouths with those biceps in the way.

Snow White and The Seven Dwarves

Snow White and The Seven Dwarves
Source: Pokkadots.com

Snow White has the right idea, befriend the minority. Probably laying the foundation for a career in politics. Who wouldn’t want seven midgets, sorry, dwarves, as roommates? Yes, it would be a hot topic for the neighbours, because let’s face it, it’s strange, but imagine the fun you could have teasing Bashful and making him blush.

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Sleeping Beauty and Mother Gothel

Mother Gothel
Source: Rotoscopers

For real beauty tips we could have a chat with sleeping Beauty and Mother Gothel. Sleeping Beauty had it right, get enough sleep, it’s really good for your complexion, But. If like Mother Gothel you partied a bit too hard in your youth, as the CEO of all good pharmaceutical companies would, discover some miracle natural product that could, you know, save lives and hide it from those who need it. She could run a major beauty house, if she would only learn to share.

Aladdin

Aladdin
Source: Void Magazine

Unfortunately, Aladdin wouldn’t last very long. His first magic carpet flight would put him in hospital, then straight into the nut house for believing his carpet could fly. We can only hope he will try it out before inviting Jasmin along, otherwise we’d lose them both and I know men who would pretend to be Sultans to get a chance to hang with Jasmin.

Belle and Prince Eric, Beauty and the Beast

Belle and Prince Eric
Source: Deviant Art

Belle, from Beauty and the Beast is probably on the brink of a breakdown and highly medicated due to being abducted and kept prisoner by the now love of her life; but she seems like she could be nice to chat to. Unluckily for her, Prince Adam will always be more attractive. If his perfectly porcelain skin is anything to go by, the amount of laser hair removal (that, or he never reaches puberty) and plastic surgery he undergoes, she doesn’t stand a chance.

And the green fairy…Tinkerbell. Don’t be silly, she’s a fairy, she couldn’t be real. But, if you really want to meet her that’s what Absinthe is for!

3 Books Better Than Their Movies

Box Office Bombs
Source: A Conscious Rethink

Whenever a book is adapted for film and makes its silver screen debut, the first thing the audience wants to know is whether the films are better than the books. Unfortunately, if we look at the box-office and critical success of most book-to-movie adaptions, the answer more often than not is a resounding no.

Sure, adapting a book for the screen is a particularly tricky task and things can go horribly awry when left in the wrong hands. It’s a daunting endeavour – imagine whittling down the likes of the Harry Potter series or Lord of the Rings trilogy into a neatly packaged screenplay with a run time that’s less than two hours.

The success of book-to-movie adaptions is not solely reliant on the screenplay. Direction, casting and on-screen performances play a huge part. Coupled with the fact that these types of films are usually prefaced by huge expectations from the readers of the original book. So, without further ado, let’s have a look at a list of some of the worst movies that have been based on amazing books.

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The Scarlett Letter

The Scarlett Letter
Source: Pinterest

Based on Nathaniel Hawthorne’s iconic Scarlett Letter, this movie made its theatrical debut in 1995. Starring Gary Oldman, Demi Moore and Robert Duvall, it is often referred to as one of the worst film adaptions of a classic book that has ever been made. It bombed at the box office and received scathing reviews from critics. To say that the film was loosely based on the masterful novel is a massive understatement. It was directed by Roland Joffe who used more than his fair share of creative license with this film.

As I Lay Dying

As I Lay Dying
Source: YouTube

American author, William Faulkner in 1930, penned the original literary masterpiece. Using the signature Southern Gothic writing style, in this novel, Faulkner weaves a remarkable story that shifts frequently between the consciousness’s of its main characters. The plot centres on the Bundren family, who travel across Mississippi to bury the matriarch of the family as per her final wish. James Franco is responsible for the bizarre film adaption of this American classic, writing the screenplay as well as directing the film. And boy, did he fall short on this one! The movie is long and tedious, relying too heavily on rubbing the harrowing misery of its characters in the audience’s faces. Give this one a miss and pick up a copy of the novel instead.

Watchmen

Watchmen Movie
Source: danhairfield.wordpress.com

DC Comics first published this graphic novel in 1986. Written by Alan Moore, this ground breaking graphic novel, which made Time magazine’s List of 100 Best Novels, is a complex and moving masterpiece that reflects contemporary anxieties, deconstructs the traditional superhero archetypes and paints a dystopian world that resonates deeply with its readers. In 2009, Zack Snyder adapted the graphic novel for the big screen. The movie received mixed reviews; it was applauded for its striking visuals and great accompanying soundtrack. The cast received a lukewarm reaction from audiences and none of the actors gave particularly stirring performances. Snyder was tasked with capturing all the nuanced complexities of the book, something he missed the mark on. This saw the movie underperform at the box-office as fans were simply unconvinced whether the latest rendition of this comic classic was even necessary.