If you haven’t seen the amazing art by Jirka Vinse depicting what Disney characters would look like if they were real, do your self a favour and hop on over to his page.
The truth is, life would be hard for us mere mortals having to compete with the likes of Gaston or Snow White. Even the real villains in the world today couldn’t do it with as much pizazz as say, Ursula from The Little Mermaid or Jafar from Aladdin. If they were real, what would they be like?
Gaston, Beauty and the Beast
Okay granted, as in the movie Gaston would be a bit of an arse. You know those guys? The ones that spend their mornings at the gym checking themselves out. They’ve never met a mirror they didn’t like, and they’ve pumped so much iron that the only reason they need a girl is because they can’t get their beer to their mouths with those biceps in the way.
Snow White and The Seven Dwarves
Snow White has the right idea, befriend the minority. Probably laying the foundation for a career in politics. Who wouldn’t want seven midgets, sorry, dwarves, as roommates? Yes, it would be a hot topic for the neighbours, because let’s face it, it’s strange, but imagine the fun you could have teasing Bashful and making him blush.
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Sleeping Beauty and Mother Gothel
For real beauty tips we could have a chat with sleeping Beauty and Mother Gothel. Sleeping Beauty had it right, get enough sleep, it’s really good for your complexion, But. If like Mother Gothel you partied a bit too hard in your youth, as the CEO of all good pharmaceutical companies would, discover some miracle natural product that could, you know, save lives and hide it from those who need it. She could run a major beauty house, if she would only learn to share.
Unfortunately, Aladdin wouldn’t last very long. His first magic carpet flight would put him in hospital, then straight into the nut house for believing his carpet could fly. We can only hope he will try it out before inviting Jasmin along, otherwise we’d lose them both and I know men who would pretend to be Sultans to get a chance to hang with Jasmin.
Belle and Prince Eric, Beauty and the Beast
Belle, from Beauty and the Beast is probably on the brink of a breakdown and highly medicated due to being abducted and kept prisoner by the now love of her life; but she seems like she could be nice to chat to. Unluckily for her, Prince Adam will always be more attractive. If his perfectly porcelain skin is anything to go by, the amount of laser hair removal (that, or he never reaches puberty) and plastic surgery he undergoes, she doesn’t stand a chance.
And the green fairy…Tinkerbell. Don’t be silly, she’s a fairy, she couldn’t be real. But, if you really want to meet her that’s what Absinthe is for!